So after recent events, I thought what coincidence that Bill Cosby is now free. The timing is ironic considering the crap I went through. Despite that, these victims went through much more chaos with being drugged, raped, going to court- just to be slapped in the face by the justice system.
And I really hate to use this BIG extreme case in relation to me (in my case there was no malicious intent, things were complex, and thankfully didn’t go as far as this shit), but there are so many themes that are echoing from this manner that many women have or will face. I was originally at peace, but after today, I just had to sound off on this BS how women get continuously get dismissed.
Quick Overview
Technically speaking, Bill Cosby was not supposed be jailed. I won’t go in depth because other bloggers have broken it down in a much clearer way. But basically he admitting it in a civil case where he wasn’t supposed to be prosecuted, yet they chose to use that admission and prosecute him anyway. In exchange to giving an admission, he was promised to get off scott free. Now today, his case was overturned due to a technicality. Reddit explains it much better.
Do I think what happened to Cosby was unconstitutional, yes it completely was and if he sues, I honestly don’t blame him because the prosecutors fucked up big time. I want a proper justice system and I have to say, he should be (and is) properly released. It was honestly a lawful violation being done towards him and therefore he has the right to be free because of the technicality. However, his freedom does not prove his innocence towards the rape charges. There are so many thoughts I have regarding this. I might not even be able to articulate everything in this one blog but will do my best to do so.
The Lack Of Male Accountability
There’s a lot to be said when Bill Cosby was offered a sweetheart deal, years ago, that he can get away scott free if he just admits his wrongdoings. The fact that he was granted this pass despite ADMITTING to these serious allegations, pisses me the fuck off. Nevertheless, if we look at this closely, the justice system ultimately came through in HIS favor and not those 60 other women. He was basically set not to go to jail in the first place regarding the 2005 claim.
So despite his early admission, even though it was wrongfully used (but should have never been his exempt to jail in the first place), I find it astonishing how many people, particular the black community is defending Bill Cosby. Keep in mind this man denied therapy about a month ago which again shows how many men (not all) refuse to take accountability and confront issues head on. These women were never shown any remorse by him, despite him repeatedly being fully aware of his crimes towards each of them. Yet, because he’s a black idol, all his crimes and wrongdoings are dismissed. It’s sad that this is a win for my community (but then again there’s a lot of problematic black men that get a pass).
And to me, it’s astonishing how dumb people can be that they would want someone with this much baggage to represent the community. Like here we are celebrating the release of Bill Cosby while seriously undermining the victims. And these same people thinking that just because he was released, he’s innocent. It’s disgusting how people are celebrating a technicality and not demanding accountability for the victims. Once again, let’s ignore the victims, like we usually do, and celebrate a man’s victory (that’s the shaderoom for you). It’s so damn triggering to fucking watch.
It’s also as if there are no expectations for men these days (and I’m not talking about the toxic ones like don’t cry). Women are expected to have a million weapons in their purses, be on the lookout, change routes, watch their drinks, etc. Yet, I barely hear any expectation on men such as protecting their loved ones, being responsible going out, etc. I’ve seen some people defending Bill Cosby as if he isn’t aware of his own choices or faults (despite him admitting them). They will find excuses like, he didn’t know better and he’s too old now for jail, it was consensual, etc. Like my God, there’s more of a pardon towards men and a clear lack of reasonable expectation.
Lack Of Progressive Women
And the fact that there were women on some of these IG pages celebrating this. My first thought is if these people have any female siblings or daughters, etc. But it’s fucked up how even women like Phylicia Rashad is emphasizing Bill’s release as a positive sign. And I know many older women lack progressive mindsets, but fucking Phylicia Rashad, a women herself who is said to soon be the dean of Howard University, which consists of 71% females (mainly black females to be specific), is a modern disappointment and sellout.
The ironic part is that she inserted herself in a situation where she could have easily stayed quiet. With her power and her position as a dean, being silent would have benefitted her a lot more than celebrating the freedom of a rapist. The fact that she wanted to express herself loud and clear depicts how bold and proud she was. She could have sent him a private message congratulating him, but NO. It’s women like her that make it frustrating for other women to speak up since they lack empathy. They are so concerned with maintaining the well being or defending their friend, significant other, brother, etc, that they are willing to overlook red flags and dismiss other women’s accounts.
And on top of this, there are still women, and men, blaming these victims saying they had the intent (this word is sensitive) to sleep with Bill, asked for the drugs, made arrangements, etc. And the kicker with this, is that the same people who are shaming these women, have never been in these situations or let alone experienced an eighth of what these women experienced. Leave it to the unexperienced, uninvolved, ignorant people to lecture you.
It’s so easy for someone to say “you should have done this” when they have never been in that situation. It’s a slap in the face being told you should have done something, as if it’s easy especially physically for these women. As someone who has been extremely intoxicated, you have no control over your body, you’re essentially helpless, touch is extremely delayed, vision eliminated, music in my ears, body shaking and shivering uncontrollably, memory is blanking, massive anxiety from depersonalization (yet I’ve been shamed/told I should have expressed clearly despite all these sudden/physical limitations 😍). I guess even in her obvious absolute worse and vulnerable state, women are still placed with expectations. We should still have our two cents even in the moments we substantially lose our senses and our state of minds. I guess we should have tried harder to snap out of it (as if the thought never occurred to them and they weren’t trying). Meanwhile, It’s ALL on us and we shouldn’t expect/depend/trust anyone but ourselves with our well being /safety in times of need (I guess I’m placing too much trust and level of expectation on my family now☺️). Even as I’m writing this sarcastically, are these people fucking serious when they say this shit? Are these people not aware of how they come across as?
Enough of my projecting, this case still disturbs me. It’s both physically and emotionally traumatizing and complex yet, in the Bill Cosby case, these accounts are being dismissed by his fans (the rape being the biggest one). Regardless, many times these condescending holier than thou “should haves” or “you should” statements are told to women more than men. The audacity of these IG pages makes me sick, another reason I can’t do too much social media.
How Many Families Still Favor To Men
And this is why in many families, personally speaking from minority families, there are women who may go through sexual assault, harassment, abuse, etc but are completely silenced for the sake of not breaking the family up. Again, it goes back to this BS that women are the ones who have to maintain the peace of a collective group and hide their own discomforts. She needs to set aside her lack of trust for someone for the greater good. And if she speaks up, she’s labeled negatively. There’s no respect for women’s voices and boundaries (double meaning). She’s taught to forgive and forget and not make a scene. Like wtf does that teach young girls?
It triggers me not only from personal experience in both my “friendships” and family, but also with the accounts others have told me. I had a friend who went through a traumatic experience with a male family member who til this day is glamorized and favored in the family. And yes, this is another Latino family that undermines problematic male behavior, sacrifices female emotion, at the sake of being a big ole happy family. Go figure that the son is let off easily.
Dismissal Of Female Emotions
And with all this shit, people have the nerve to continue to place the blame on women. Women are damned if they speak up and damned if they don’t BECAUSE THEY WILL MAINLY GET DISMISSED!!! It’s crap like this that proves how behind society and the justice system is.
This is again why women get angry. Our accounts and experiences aren’t as valued as men and we feel like we don’t matter… that’s the part that hits me the most. There’s a clear lack of legal, emotional, physical protection for women and it’s sad to see today being another prime example. We have to do better in protecting women and hearing them out. My heart goes out to the victims and I hope they can recover emotionally from the distress. I personally could never imagine going through that trauma and the lack of trust I would have after that.