In high school, I was most definitely a nerd. I tried my very best to keep my grades up which in the end was worth it. I received financial awards because of my diligence, became co-salutatorian, and even secured a spot in NYU’s Class of 2021 (expenses paid).
However, I can’t say that I was the most confident in terms of beauty. The majority of girls in high school had long hair with a looser texture. Every-time they’d get there hair blow dried or dyed, I secretly wanted to be able to do that with my hair. At the time, my hair was relaxed, breaking off, and no one including myself knew how to restore it. In fact, every time I went to a Dominican salon, they would scold me for not visiting often when the reality was that they were literally burning my hair off (I didn’t have the most educated family).
This is not to say that I did not look decent in high school because I definitely did and I won’t say I looked horrible. At the time though, my confidence was low and it deteriorated more when these cruel high school girls decided to take a pic of me and post it on Snap-chat. There were other rude remarks I received in high school about my looks that did sting me a bit. But with rumors flying around and the truth unveiling itself, all these girls were either insecure mentally and physically. You have girls wishing they were lighter, giving themselves up to boys who manipulate them, and gossiping for days about other people’s looks. It happened to me and my friends which says a lot about how insecurities really take over. Looking back, I feel like I did handle my situation maturely especially since I managed to focus on my grades despite my people being so damn judgmental and low. And although I do not wish for anyone to go through that mean girl high school experience, I was happy to step aside that situation and see the outcome. My friends and I go to great schools, were supported by our high schools, and are living their best independent lives studying, working, or partaking in internships. Even though I have no idea what these slums are doing now, all my friends and I can agree that their character was poor, disgusting, and humiliating. And because of that, I truly wish they changed for the better and wish them the best in the future.
Now in college 19 and standing with my proud weird and sometimes awkward self, I feel confident. About 2 months ago I chopped off all my relaxed hair and I am now natural with an amazing flourishing fro. I enjoy doing my high puffs, braids, and my occasional blow-outs which help illuminate my preserved length. And ever since I started interacting with Twitter, investing my blog, I truly feel happier. My resume has also improved with me blogging for the Campus Clipper and learning how to use social media platforms to promote the overshadowed world of writing. I have also been giving my input for submissions in writing contests which makes me feel even more productive. I have connects and I can more so really say that even though there have been days of stress, impatience, and annoyance, the relationships made through these internships made it worth it. I know people overlook unpaid internships, but they can really drive you to your passion and the benefits are definitely there.
I remember having my box braids last year fall semester being tight and painful at times. Though I looked great and even after taking them off, I fell in love with my natural self. Fast forward today when I first took my step into my new room, I lit that room up. I fell in love with it and thought to myself, this semester will be great. I felt comfortable with myself physically and mentally and I am positive enough to move past the unfortunate past. I am grateful for the physical essence around me (literally) and ready to rock my curls and my budget style for the fall. I slayed my grades last year and can repeat that performance this year.
That being said, it is important not to pay mind to those toxic losers around you. As easy as that sounds, words can hurt and most idiots don’t realize/heed this. But, if you do change your looks, do it for yourself because you will feel much more confident. Invest in yourself whether physically or mentally because at the end of the day, you only have the power to change yourself.