In approximately 2 days this post won’t really matter that much which is good because I’m tired of the New Year Craze. I think I’m moreso tired of the holidays in general which is pretty ironic to me. I was looking forward to the holidays this year just as much as the previous years. I love how Times Square lights up with Christmas decorations, I love Christmas songs they play at the stores, and furthermore I love the Christmas deals that I usually snag for myself. However this Christmas and New Years, I have been very much out of it.
When I look back at what I accomplished this year, I accomplished a bunch and probably a lot more than any other year. I did two internships over the summer, began my blog, opened a Twitter account and made some great online friends, got a job where the employees put up with my dizziness, helped my mom beat a court case against her dumb sperm donor, managed to get a sweet but cheap dorm, genuinely enjoyed my classes, passed my classes, and keep my friends around. Yet I still feel unsatisfied and for the dumbest reason. I have yet found a relationship.
I have so many selfies on my phone with me just feeling myself. Whether it’s a really cute outfit or a bomb ass hair day, I’m just in love with my looks. But, it becomes annoying crossing out the days on the calendar, and Mr. Right has yet appeared in my life. I hate that I become insecure over this because I have so much great and better things going on right now. But, I tend to dread about being that strong workaholic who is overlooked and unloved. It’s like I always try to see the positive with “Oh your time will come” or “It will happen the moment you least expect it”. But, it’s 2019 and I’ve been reading those quotes forever.
I do feel like my feelings are influenced by peer pressure and the college atmosphere. Sometimes I feel like I will remain a nun watching other people enter their 2nd and 3rd relationships. Year after year, I do get tired of being single. Like don’t get me wrong I love myself and probably wouldn’t have accomplished what I accomplished with a boyfriend. But, the end of the years blues always get me. However, upon commenting my misery on a Youtuber’s page, she replied saying that I should focus on myself even more especially because I am well….only 19. I always feel caught up in my stupid love quest because I want love. But, I feel like a big part of that stems off of what I see online with people posting their joyous moments. I know one day I will have those moments and I really hope 2019 brings me something to snack on. But, like they all say I still have time and I shouldn’t let what I don’t have yet define me. So 2019, bring me what I can and hopefully what I deserve.