I know it’s a shock that I’m 19 claiming I want kids. I mean I genuinely don’t want kids now because I’m in college and I’ll just be committing suicide. But the idea of having kids fascinates me. Every time these celebs post that they have a new child on the way, I can’t wait for my time to arrive which of course will be years later. I think about how their little faces will contain excitement when they are opening their Christmas gifts. I think about how much I’ll take pics of them trying out certain foods for the first time. I think about how much I’ll relate to mothers online instead of getting jealous of what they have. Most importantly, I’ll cry every year as their birthday passes because I secretly wish they wouldn’t grow up.
But for that to actually happen, I need a partner, though I always considered adopting whether single or taken. Ironically, I’m listening to Me, Myself, and I by Beyonce as I type this. My college years so far has been a path of me just really trying to get to know myself and what I want. It feels good being single even if it’s not intentional to be honest. Although there are times when I even give up the hope that I will have that perfect family life, I also think about the space and time I have now. Soon enough I will be working a full-time job and be on the other highs of life.
That’s not to say that I am still not excited about the future and long for it. I want to get married, still looking and tired too, and have that perfect happy ending after. Losing faith in college so easy because the majority are either into that hookup culture stuff or are just blinded by what they want. Like, thank you, next. But I can’t wait to experience love, attain that love, and create that perfect vision I want in life.