Recently my roommate and I had a talk about love and friends. Although she usually tries to convince me that her ways are the best, I usually stick to my viewpoints. However, unlike many people I have come across in life, she can actually engage in an intellectual non-argumentative discussion with me. Because of that, I had the pleasure of engaging in a conversation with her. I like listening to another person’s point of view when they are being mature and not temperamental/child-like. She told me about the fall-out she had with her best friends and how that impacted her ability to make friends here at NYU. I told her she shouldn’t allow her failed friendships to impact her potential friendships. Obviously, my advice was easier said than done.
This conversation came about when we were watching one of those cliche love teen movies, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. I told her beforehand that I preferred not to see it because it makes me feel sad that I hadn’t experience that cliche love yet that all teenagers in society should have already experienced. Not listening to me, she played the movie anyway which ended up triggering me and the conversation. I said it before these movies often make me feel some type of way. But boys weren’t just the topic of this relationship as you can see the topic shifted to people in general. Being in college, you really have to put yourself out there in order to meet new people. This mainly involves actually communicating through social media or phone numbers, going out and spending money, and giving details about your personal life in order to establish trust. The issue with this is that most people in this generation including myself are too lazy, or busy, to start a bond with others and put in that time. Another issue which again applies to me is that the moment you put yourself out there, you are either rejected or you completely found out the person wasn’t what you wanted them to be.
The day after this conversation, I did something that I thought I would have never done in my teens: downloading dating apps. After googling the best ones, I chose Coffee Meets Bagel. 30 minutes later, the app was deleted off my phone. I absolutely hated the short experience and everything about it felt fake. A small part of it was because I’m honestly not used to dating apps. But, I’m the type of person who likes to physically engage with people and not just be hypnotized by some 30 sec made profile account. Don’t get me wrong, looks are probably everyone’s and even my initial test to see whether I can possibly like someone or not. But, personality in this app and in many others are really downplayed which for me is the most important factor as to how attractive a person is.
My friend and I can agree on these apps and how meeting people in general as college students requires you to be open but mature at the same time. And when I say mature, I mean mature as in being comfortable that not everyone will like you or want to put in that effort to get to know you. It stings for me and it stung, even more, when I actually put in the work. However, it gives me closure. There’s nothing like being intimate with people and actually talking to them physically. No online shenanigans, just eye contact and a good convo. If I find out the relationship wasn’t meant to be, I move on and find that intimacy elsewhere. It is hard not to feel lonely and even sad at times. But sometimes I’m surprised myself as to how quickly I get over things.
That being said, EVERYTHING has its own pace and even talking to a Twitter user about this does give me hope. I said it before and will say it again, I don’t really want to rush love because I hate disasters, but I am impatient on receiving that magical experience. I’d be lying if I were to say that I don’t care about love. But, I do believe in miracles and in how everything happens for a reason. I hope that a miracle is soon, but I still have myself to focus on which honestly is the most important person who will ever be present in my life.